Mawia Shawapowa

She clears her throat around here


And then does the most feminine grunt I have ever heard.

The serve

She hops while bouncing the ball. No idea what her motive is.

Then strikes a pose.

Bounces the ball twice. Only twice, in the most neurotic way possible.

And here's the second hottest pose of the match

This is the hottest pose of the match right here.

Final score.

6-0, 7-6

Winner: Ms Maria Sharapova

Labels: Holly shit. Theres pictures here.

Maria, Maria

I'll be watching Maria Sharapova's exhibition match tomorrow, free tickets!!!Sharapova!!!!SHARAPOVA!!!! And of course Anna Chakvedatze is also there, and cute. But MARIA!!!!HOLLY SHIT!!HOT LEGS!!!HOT LEGS!!!And of course Anna, cute ponytail?

Labels: I'm bringing ear plugs. Maria is loud when she plays.

Good advice

If by some absurd chance that you happen to be with a friend in a jungle. And if by some minute chance you come across a tiger. Experts would tell you not to run, because there would be no chance in hell that you'd be able to outrun a tiger. I disagree, I say you run. Sure, maybe you can't run faster than the tiger, but who says you have to outrun the tiger. Just run faster than your friend.

Labels: Don't dismiss that. It might just save your life.

Shttubbiy

I just got my haircut and I feel like Peter Parker, minus being Spiderman and a genius. Yeah, a geek basically. The good thing about having a crappy hair do is that you can't possibly look any dumber.

Labels: Just had to do it didn't I. Idiot.

Is there no one else

Okay this is how pathetic I am. I am desperately trying to see the glass as half full, but fuck, there isn't even any water in my glass. Or I don't even have a glass, I don't know which. Wild dolphins have more human contact than me, geez.

Labels: Does anyone else even read this anymore?

That Face People Make Shutting Their Eyes Blowing On Their Tounge.

Labels: I seriously need to get out of the house. Anyone...anyone at all?

Kansas City Shuffle

I'm a good guy, with nothing to do. I waste my time wondering what could've been when I am what could've been and what could not have been. I've been on both sides of the fence, and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Well, my grass isn't always green. So the unlucky are nothing more than just a frame of reference for the lucky. You are unlucky, so I may know that I am. Unfortunately, the lucky never realize that they are lucky until its too late. For instance, I was better off yesterday than I am off today but it took today for me to realize it. But today has arrived, and it's too late. You see, people are never happy with what they have. They want what they had or what others have. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Labels: When I was small my little friend got stuck while I was zipping up one day. And I got smart from there. It taught me never to leave things dangling where they shouldn't.

Prequel to My Unexpected Magnum Opus

Take off your shoes, take off yourself. Take off you rented mental health. Take off your raincoat, settle down. Take off your nightmare and your frown, there is a place for you to go to see another ringer in a rock show. Take my pretense for awhile because if you're not here to hear me scream, I am silent like a dream. Where all the dragons are my friends, each night we meet our bitter ends. As quantum strings between my brain pepping, sanities insane. Heaven fell on herself tonight, as a devil met me in a wishing well. And in that moment I found myself knowing, that in the end its just about you and me. Nothing smaller or larger, though dragons are good for the soul. Nothing can be better, than barring yourself for another. Open for scrutiny, ridicule and indulgence. Therein lies the balls and the minds and the heart. When nothing is left, everything is gained. So as we go round and round, though endings are never ever happy. Its the happy moments along the way that in the end, make it okay.

Labels: Ondrasik

Mood

I feel like that depressed robot from Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. And now I'm Mr. "I had no friends when I was growing up, so all I did was watch TV by myself which is why I can now make pop cultural references which no one understands but me." That's my name, so don't wear it out. I need an intrusion, or maybe just a haircut.

Labels: Obscurity is a pain.

On Holiday

I'll be going on a reluctant holiday with my parents tomorrow. Malaysia, nowhere far, not sure where exactly. Be back friday. Not that its much of an importance to any of you. But just in case, if by any small, minute chance you happen to be looking for me...I'm not here. You can reach me at 81273234 if its important, I have auto roam, I think. So yeah, whatever. I will miss you, depending on who you are.

Labels: Yeah whatever hiatus.

Kelevra, Slevin

Ataraxia - A condition characterised by freedom from worry or any other preoccupation. Now that is a mental condition I actually want to have. I've got a problem with the nerves so bad it makes my 'nards shrink. I'm a walking, talking, breathing, flaming A380 crashing to the ground. It's huge.

Labels: Crash and Burn.

This Will Be The Shortst Post You Will Ever Find, With The Longest Title You Have Ever Read. You Are Wasting Your Time Reading This. Thanks Anyway.

Labels: Yeah. Slap your forehead. And do come back

Long Term Physical Outlook Plan

Here's one for the future. Within the next 5 years, I will be working on my body to achieve a more, divine, outlook. I will have the body of a god...Buddha. Eat right, exercise, die anyway. Constipated people don't give a crap.

Labels: The earth is full-Go home.

Brain's Dry, Enjoy this.

Labels: Shittei.Boodday.

Fiend

Life is but a series of rooms. And who we get stuck with in those rooms adds up to what our lives are.

Labels: In the times we find ourselves.

Beautiful

Here's introducing Katheryn Winnick. She is insanely beautiful. One day, one room. I'm in love.

Labels: Curtsies. Mine.

Misses

Even though its only been a week, I miss the soccer ball and the racket. I'm waiting for Thursday.

Labels: On life support till then.

My Unexpected Magnum Opus

Wish I were with you, but I couldn't stay. Every direction lead me away. Standing in the mirror, I look the same. I'm just looking for some shelter from the cold. Someone to cover me safe from the rain. No fear of heart, no absence of faith. As I lay awake, I wait for you to come through the door. Just maybe I can share this with you. So tonight I thank the stars, as I count my lucky scars. Something borrowed, something blue. Nothing here to see, no looking back. Every sound a monotone, every colour a monochrome. Burning like a flame behind my eyes, a bittersweet surrendering. Feels like everything has been said and done. You are not alone, dear loneliness.

Labels: Thats some deep shit Grohl.

Changes

Some new colours. If you hate it, its only temporary. If you like it then it'll stay for a little while longer.

Labels: Loads of brightness going on round here.

The here and now

My pee smells of coffee. Midnight oil's a burning. Statics and strengths of materials blows. Of a couple million sperm, I was the fastest. I am smart, I can do this, lets do this, come on! Ooo..soccer ball.

Labels: My attention span: short

Fellow humans with testacles

Here's a way to settle disputes among men, like men. Take turns kicking each other in the balls and whomever gets up quicker wins.

Labels: who needs lawyers.

There's always a downside

One day a guy dies and winds up in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell!

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, beer, soft drinks, you name it! We drink till we throw up, and then we drink some more. And you don't have to worryabout hangovers because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer-no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow... that's awesome!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I do.
Devil: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, and Kino. If you go bankrupt, you're dead anyway.
Guy: Coooool!

Devil: What about drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack...or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares?!?!?!
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

Devil: You gay?
Guy: No...
Devil: Ooooh...You're gonna HATE Fridays.

Labels: Hell. No no.

Here's a mystery

How did the cavemen discover sex? No matter how you look at it, it is not pretty. They probably saw some kinky deers.

Labels: Just a stray thought

Pinocchio, the part they left out

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who sometimes complain of splinters while having sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Labels: Who knew